A Second Set of Eyes

"Leadership is an exchange of humanity... it's supposed to be connective and it's supposed to be a shared weight. And somewhere along the line, we moved it almost in totality onto the leader, which I don't think was the original idea." - Cody Royle

You have never led unless you've woken in the morning, your first thoughts forming through the fog of sleep, and thought:

"Fuck."

That moment, when the weight of responsibility sits heavy on your chest before your feet even touch the floor, is the silent experience of leaders everywhere. It emerges from the subconscious, winding its way through neural pathways. Soon, head and gut connect, with no answer to be found in either.

"Feet on the floor" becomes the thought, an effort to ground oneself, but often has the opposite effect.

Avoidance suddenly seems to be the most valid option.

It's a universal moment that reveals the profound irony at the heart of leadership: those who champion support systems for others often deny themselves the same lifelines.

In conversation with coach, author and a man of profound insight and wisdom, Cody Royle, for this episode of "In the Arena," what might be the greatest irony of our expertise emerged: leaders, including coaches, who believe deeply in coaching refuse to be coached themselves.

"The real premise is that coaching is sitting right in front of us," Cody explained. "By virtue of believing that human beings can't reach their potential without a coach... you're advocating for a second set of eyes. You cannot make the arguments to your team that they can't reach their potential if you then say, 'but I can on my own.' That just doesn't stack up."

Cody revealed the deeply personal origins of his book "Tough Stuff" – born from his own pain after losing a player to suicide and finding no resources to help him navigate that trauma as a leader.

"I went looking for things that could help me with that and found nothing," he shared.

The book emerged from this void, addressing the unspoken weight leaders carry.

"By stumbling into writing about it, mostly out of frustration, but then coming out with clarity and language and refined ideas... was hugely impactful," Cody reflected.

This creative process served a dual purpose – providing resources for others while helping him process his own experience. "It made me competitive again. It keyed into the competitor in me that had been lost when I was going through all of that stuff with footy."

Leadership is a private and public pilgrimage. It will always demand personal transformation, but also require learning out loud. Building an 'inner game' – a form of leadership consciousness – develops the 'outer game' of leadership capability. It's a process of constant transition with no finish line. There will be loss and gain with each transformation, and the truth may well set us free, but it will most likely make us miserable in the meantime.

"They say you create the art that you need in the world," Cody noted. His work has resonated because it "generated something for people that was probably laying below the surface, but needed to be raised."

We've constructed a mythology around leadership that equates self-sufficiency with strength. The irony of our expertise lies in believing we can help others while convincing ourselves we need no help. As discussed with Cody, "It just seems to be making the wrong trade-offs because you're probably trading off almost the thing which should be priority one, two or three for priority 20, 21, 22."

Leading is never about riding in on a metaphoric white horse as the person with all the answers; it is most often the opposite. The real work is creating context and space for better conversations, avoiding default responses driven by bruised egos, selfishness or anger.

This is why Cody's concept of a wonderful book named "A Second Set of Eyes" is so powerful. It's not merely support – it's an acknowledgement that leadership is fundamentally about creating conditions for collective wisdom to emerge. As leaders, the job isn't to have all the answers but to create spaces where better questions can flourish.

"For human beings, I think it's undoubted that leadership and teamwork is the thing of this century, not just in vogue at the moment," Cody asserted. As organisational complexity increases – "The size of the organisation growing also creates human complexity" – the need for authentic leadership becomes even more critical.

Through decades in leadership positions, the lesson emerges: failure is a bruise, not a tattoo. The experiences that humble and teach become the greatest source of authenticity only when there's a willingness to acknowledge the need for others.

The true courage in leadership isn't found in going it alone. It's found in the vulnerability of saying, "I don't have all the answers," in the humility of seeking guidance, and in the wisdom of recognising that accepting help doesn't diminish leadership – it defines it.

Leadership is a craft – learned and earned – and coaching might be one of its most powerful transformation tools, something Cody's perspective affirms. When asked about the impact of his own work, he reflected, "The messages that I have in response to that book, either positive or negative, like 'it dug stuff up' or 'it helped me' - either way, it generated something for people that was probably laying below the surface, but needed to be raised."

This is what great coaching does – it surfaces what lies beneath.

The rewards of being coached mirror the qualities needed to lead effectively: self-awareness, humility, the ability to listen, a hunger for feedback, a commitment to action, and a willingness to be held accountable. When Cody speaks about leadership as "an exchange of humanity," he's pointing to this reciprocal nature of growth. The best coaches don't focus on who the leader is now, but who they can become, just as the best leaders do for their teams.

The conversation with Cody touched on former AFL Coach Neil Craig's concept of the ‘two egos’ leaders must balance. On one hand, leaders need a strong 'performance ego' – the confidence to make decisions and stand in the arena. But equally important is what Craig calls a 'quiet ego' – the humility to ask: What needs to be learned? How is growth needed? The most effective leaders don't see these as contradictory but complementary. They understand that true strength comes not from appearing infallible, but from the courage to recognise when that second set of eyes is needed.

As complexity in organisations continues to grow, Cody's perspective becomes even more vital. "I would position leadership as the most important skill of this century," he asserted. Not because leaders need to know everything, but because they need to know how to bring out the best in everyone around them.

Notebook ready.

Play on!