Round #09 - Winning deep
Don’t carry it alone
To watch Chelsea Frawley, poised and articulate, speak of her dad and the need to “work together as a community to carry the load” when she is carrying so much of it, in front of more than 60,000 people at the MCG, inside a circle of arm in arm players from St Kilda and Carlton, fully engaged and committed to the message she is sharing, soon to be combatants in a high stakes game, is how the people, and by extension, the game itself, finds a way.
‘Don’t carry it alone’
The game is at its best when it leads, finding the collective courage to forge a new way.
It is at its worst when it lags, but can often get lost in between.
Psychologist Pippa Grange, who has worked at the highest level of elite sport for decades, describes it wonderfully in her book Fear Less, where she speaks about winning deep, as compared to winning shallow.
Watching the Saints play the Blues at the MCG for ‘Spud’s Game’ showed what it means when the game leads.
The game leads, when someone finds a way, and for Spud’s Game, it is the family of football great, the much-loved Danny ‘Spud’ Frawley. They ask so much of themselves, going so deep, reliving their heartbreak and sadness, to reduce the possibility that others, people they do not know and will never meet, will not experience it.
Grief is personal, and to watch Spud’s family speak of their experience of suicide as a wife, as daughters, a loss they share with the thousands who loved Spud, is so courageous, selfless and inspiring.
I also sense that, despite the tears that will always flow, they love talking about their husband and dad.
To watch Chelsea Frawley, poised and articulate, speak of her dad and the need to “work together as a community to carry the load” when she is carrying so much of it, in front of more than 60,000 people at the MCG, inside a circle of arm in arm players from St Kilda and Carlton, fully engaged and committed to the message she is sharing, soon to be combatants in a high stakes game, is how the people, and by extension, the game itself, finds a way.
Then, handing over to Bulldogs' Premiership star, Tom Boyd, not long ago a combatant, retired at 23 years of age, still younger than many of the those players about to do battle, who is finding his own way, even when it meant not doing the thing he was so good at, but now doing something much more important, by sharing how he found that way, so others may find theirs.
"Show us the courage, conviction and character Danny brought every week”, Tom asked of the players circled around him.
And they did, and none more than Carlton big man Harry McKay, who just weeks ago had the courage to take a break from the game, with the footy gods landing the ball in his hands in the final moments of the match. He took a couple of deep breaths, then calmly slotted it through from the boundary in front of the MCC Members Stand, sealing the Blues' victory, a tough win, the best wins.
He got to enjoy this moment, in the arms of his teammates, because he understands what truly matters.
“When I was a young boy, my father said to me, ‘Son, when you understand what truly matters, you will get to enjoy what seems to matter.’”
The speaker was a college coach in the US. It was post-game, responding to questions from the media. His team had just won its way into an historic college basketball championship game, a first for the school, and he was being pressed to elevate the significance of the occasion.
Elite sport, by its very purpose, is heavy on ambition, and is judged by its achievement, or otherwise, in a binary ‘heroes and villains’ way.
It often lacks the nuance that the ambition asks of those charged with its achievement.
The college coach went on to explain how he’d seen wonderful personal growth in the young men in his team, how they’d learn to play for each other, and with humility, despite their individual and collective success, and these lessons would help set them up for life beyond this team, and beyond this school.
This coach was clear on 'what truly matters', and he had seen progress in ways few sitting in judgement could observe or understand, nor had an appetite for.
One writer who understands the nuance of ambition is writer Michael Lewis, he of Moneyball, The Big Short and Flash Boys fame, who speaks of the need to “live outside the arena of our ambition”. He says our ambition doesn’t define us, and we mustn't allow it to.
Yes, ambition is important, but he suggests we only visit it for “professional reasons”.
I like this, as it forces us to practice humility, particularly the role of learner/teacher. To stay grounded, never be above whatever your organisation, team or family needs from you.
It allows you to recognise shortcomings and to behave differently to do something about it.
It challenges us to make mistakes. Go again.
Make better mistakes. Go again.
Try to make the best mistakes you’ve ever made.
Perhaps also, the college coach was reminding those who communicate the game to the world, earning a living from the sport, to move beyond the shallow observations from the game itself, and not define its value by scoreboards past and present… even just for a few minutes.
But yes, he would enjoy this moment, just like Harry did.
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